Confession

Father Jacobs was sitting the confessional waiting for the next member of the congregation when an odd feeling came over him. He felt his heart begin to race and a chilling sensation ran up his spine. Unsure of what was happening, he began taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself down. Father Jacobs did not understand why, but he was terrified. It felt like he was about to die.

The fear grew worse with each passing second. It got to the point where Father Jacobs decided that he had to leave the confessional. He got up to leave when the door slowly opened to reveal a tall man, whose face was covered in shadow. The man walked in and began to stare directly into Father Jacobs’ eyes. Father Jacobs was paralyzed as he looked back at the man. He had never seen this person before and he wondered why he had come.

The men stared at each other in silence for only a few seconds, but to Father Jacobs it was more like several hours. It took a moment, but Father Jacobs remembered his priestly duties. He regained enough composure to invite the man to sit down, but he still felt uneasy.

“What can I do for you my son,” Father Jacobs finally asked while fighting off the massive lump that was lodged in his throat.

“I doubt you can do anything for me,” the man said while lowering his head and shifting his gaze toward the floor. His face was covered with whiskers and his eyes carried the strain of not sleeping for days.

“Did you not come here to confess your sins and to be absolved of them,” Father Jacobs asked trying to be comforting even though fear was still running through him. He had decided that, no matter how he felt, he could not turn his back on a person in need. The man was a stranger, but it was clear he needed help.

The man sat there quietly with his back hunched over and his head hanging low. Father Jacobs waited for a reply, but the man said nothing. He just sat there as the room filled with tension as the silence dragged on. It was suffocating. Father Jacobs found it becoming hard to breathe the longer the silence lasted. The walls began to close in and everything seemed to become darker. Father Jacobs began to feel panicked, and that panic grew into anger. The silence was becoming too much for him. He just wanted to scream at the man and demand he say something.

“It’s no fun, is it,” the man said quietly, finally breaking the silence. “It’s no fun waiting around for something that you have no control over. All you can do is sit there and think about what will happen.”

The man’s words angered the priest. He was in no mood for stupid games. But as angry as he was, he was more relieved that the silence was over. The tension that gripped the room lightened and Father Jacobs was able to calm himself down slightly.

After a deep breath, Father Jacobs asked, “What is bothering you? What is it that you are waiting for?”

The man then lifted his head and replied, “Forgiveness, Father. I am waiting to be forgiven.”

“Well, you have come to the right place,” Father Jacobs said with a smile. He felt more relaxed and began to think that he was getting worked up over nothing. “Tell me son, what are your sins.”

The man swallowed and then uttered in a grey voice, “I’ve killed my family.”

Any sense of comfort left in Father Jacobs was immediately destroyed. He had been a priest for several year, but he had never had any experience such as this. His body again filled with fear and he felt weak. It took Father Jacobs a minute or two before he could speak again.

“T-the Bible does tell us that all sin are forgiven though Jesus Christ,” Father Jacobs said timidly while trying to formulate a real response in his mind.

“You are saying that I am forgiven,” the man then asked, looking Father Jacobs directly in the eye.

Father Jacobs paused before answering, “Yes.”

The man then sat straight up and said, “You’re telling me that God will forgive me for killing my wife and my son. How do you know this? Are you God? ”

“N-no,” Father Jacobs replied as he began to tremble noticeably. “But I am a servant of our Lord.”

“So, through you, I can have the blood cleansed from my hands? Is that what you are telling me, because that is what I am hearing,” the man said as stared at the priest with fire in his eyes. “I seriously doubt that. In fact, I think it is a cold lie. If I can’t forgive myself, why would the ‘creator of the universe’ bother to forgive me? He has no reason to, and there is nothing you can do to change that. I don’t care what you instruct me to do because it doesn’t matter. You want to know why? It is because you are human. You are not God. You are nothing. You can’t save me. Your authority is bullshit. In fact, let me show you.”

The man then reached into his jacket and pull out a gun. He pushed the gun into Father Jacobs’ face and said, “All of the authority given to you by the Church and you are still at the mercy of a man. You don’t speak for God. You are no different from me. I should kill you right now and let you find out how close to God you really are.”

Then the man squeezed the trigger, but nothing happened. Father Jacobs sat in his chair, holding his breath and shaking violently. He wanted to do something but all he could do was stare at the gun that was still shoved in his face.

“I should kill you right now,” the man said again. Then he lowered the gun and put it away. “But I will let you go on pretending that you have the power to save people.”

The man then walked out of the confessional. Father Jacobs was unable to move for several minutes, but he soon found himself crying alone in the room. Later that day, Father Jacobs left the priesthood. His still had his faith in God, but he lost faith in himself. He no longer believed he was capable of saving anyone.